Heaviness

Today’s officially the 20th anniversary of the Macintosh. But that’s not really all that important.

We put Maxi to sleep today. Apparently she started walking in circles about 3:30 am, and by 4:30 couldn’t stand at all. When I woke up, her body kept trying to curl into a ball; we had her lying on the side she wanted to curl towards, so that she’d be resting relatively flat (albeit with her head dug into the sleeping bag we had her resting on). Although she couldn’t do much of anything, and her eyes even seemed to have trouble focusing, she still did her damndest to look at you. That hurts the most—though her body completely failed her, she was still there at the end.

My family now has a whole bunch of thirteen-year-old habits to unlearn.

I feel oddly heavy right now, as if I’m carrying a twenty-pound burden everywhere I go. I also don’t feel like doing a damn thing, which is the absolute worst thing I could feel right now: yesterday I turned in probability homework with only one problem (out of five) solved, and my professor kindly gave me an extension* to Monday. I also have a business case study, and a different math homework, due Monday, neither of which I’ve done anything with.

[*An extension, of sorts: I told him I’d take my 20% grade, since that’s the work I turned in by the deadline… that I’m most interested in making sure I can actually do these problems.]

Yeah. Yesterday wasn’t so hot a day either, mostly because I had stayed up quite late to get nowhere on my probability homework. As I told Brian, it’s not too often that homework finishes me.

 

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