After some critical self-examination, I have determined that I use the words dude and totally far too often in casual conversation. I am also fond of peppering my talk with allusions to Metal Gear Solid (“Rookie eyes!,” or “She’s green, but as tough as they come!”) and programming databases in Access (mostly plays off of the term “dangling reference”).

This totally has to stop. Right here. Right now.

I’m one adoption of a term (namely, “like”) into my lexicon away from having to commit suicide. It would be a simple matter of honor: back in high school, I swore to myself that I’d never abuse those words (you know: like totally, dude!). Now, in my more pragmatic years, I’ll settle for not abusing all three words at the same time.

I place the blame for my abuse of “dude” at the feet of l33tsp34k: I’d never touch “dude” with a ten-foot pole, but I find “d00d” hilarious. “Totally,” on the other hand, is entirely my fault.

…

Tonight Brian managed to talk the cashier at the Beanery into giving him a sixteen ounce Pooh’s Picnic. (The “Pooh’s Picnic” is traditionally a children’s drink.) This took two attempts: “Could I get a sixteen ounce Pooh’s Picnic?” failed, but “Could I get a sixteen ounce hot chocolate… with whipped cream… and little graham cracker teddy bears?” actually worked.

I can’t really describe how amused I was when the guy making Brian’s drink reached for the box of graham cracker bears.