Episode XVI: A New Hope

[This Episode now posted, since Comcast has deemed me worthy of an internet connection again.]

The rain broke, the temperature was surprisingly moderate, and tax class was cancelled. It was a perfect day.

I even did well in dance class. Ballroom dance has many lessons for me in life, and I’m slowly picking up on them… One example: “You’re in a ballroom dance class to learn how to dance, not dance perfectly the first time. There’s no need to apologize for every mistake you make.” Constant apologizing really doesn’t give others a good impression of you, and it took me forever to figure that out…and though I still judge myself too harshly (sometimes—at other times I’m a complete slacker), I’m slowly warming to the idea that I can screw up occasionally without having to beat myself over the head about it.

The challenge of this ballroom class is that there are several follows who have shared dance classes with me in the past, and so know my old ways—the most notable one of them being a gal named Becky. At first it was obvious that she held her earlier, low, opinion of me (some people are easy to read)…but that opinion now seems to be improving. Today she was laughing at her goofs, which is a world apart from our past interactions. It’s nice to know I’ve changed, in that regard.

Of course, it also helps that I can actually dance decently, now. I’m still awful when trying to (re)learn a move, but I seem to nail them quicker than before, and am just more confident of myself in general. It’s also fun seeing friendly faces, such as Kristi (yes, Eric, there are two math majors in ballroom III) and Mandy.

I’ve been disenchanted with myself for a good period of time—easily since before I started this blog—which has been one of the larger reasons I’ve not tried calling Eileen, despite the bluster I’ve made about it. It’s hard to think that someone might like you when you don’t like yourself. (‘Course, after how long I’ve made her wait…) Today’s realization that I’ve changed gives me new hope; I’ve found an aspect of me that I do like. I’ve been bitter and cynical for too long, and it’s refreshing to be optimistic about something.

Oh yes. Perhaps another factor that improved today was my reading the first Azumanga Daioh manga last night. I laughed so hard I cried at some of the jokes. Hilarious stuff.

This weekend Andy, Nate, Neil, Kevin, and Jon (Andy’s Washingtonian friend) are all coming down for some football, poker, and Smash Bros. It’s going to be one heck of a time; I never thought I’d see that many of those faces together, ever again.


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