CSI: Brent-style

So my dad and I are watching CSI right now, and the crime lab just determined that a guy was innocent because the victim’s blood on the guy’s shoe only consisted of serum—no blood cells—and therefore was planted.

To which I said: damn. It’s a good thing the crime lab works on the side of good, and not evil.

I then thought, if I were a CSI writer:

The first season would have our group of intrepid crime lab people solving a variety of mysteries, much as CSI is today.

At the season finale, one of the cast would disappear—and over the course of the episode the others would discover that (get this) the missing cast member was actually a rogue CSI agent, and had screwed with every case they had “solved.” (Of course, you would have to write the show so that, upon rewatching, viewers can notice where the rogue agent screwed with things. That would be key for DVD sales, later.)

In the second season, the crime lab would both revisit every case from the first season to find the actual killers, and they would hunt down their rogue teammate. Of course, they meet up again in the season finale, where guns and sharp tongues are drawn.

The third season, in contrast (if people were so foolish as to give me a third season), would feature my intrepid crew overworked and underpaid. Rather than one case an episode, they’d have ten; mistakes would be made, and evidence would be confused. Witty comments about the killer(s) they’re tracking would turn to bitter comments about their position in life.

I figure that if you’re going to drag something out, you might as well make it painfully obvious that that’s what you’re doing.


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