Metal Gear 24

I’m convinced that 24 is the television version of Metal Gear Solid. (Keep in mind that I’ve only seen the fifth season of 24, so I only know so much.) It’s a bit confused, because (supposedly) Solid Snake’s real name is David—but Raiden and Big Boss’ names are both Jack, so I’ll work with that (meaning that I’ll pick and choose and/or mix and match facts from the three MGS games as they best suit my case).

Exhibit A: Both feature sneaking missions against terrorists. Bauer never uses a tranquilizer gun, however, whereas the only time my Solid Snake kills anyone is when he’s shaking the guy down next to a cliff, and accidentally drops him over the edge. That, or else when he runs out of tranquilizer rounds. I had an acid flashback while Bauer infiltrated the gas processing plant (a.k.a. the Big Shell), and another when Bauer snuck around the submarine (the Tanker).

Exhibit B: Both feature grandiose plots that spiral out of control as time passes. To 24‘s credit, however, I don’t believe they’ve ever had Bauer running around naked and crippled in combat because he had to cover himself while running through the bowels of a bipedal nuclear robot. Literally.

Exhibit C: Both feature a host of colorful supporting characters. Bill Buchanan:Colonel Campbell, Chloe O’Brian:Mei Ling, and Audrey Raines:Rose. Probably a good thing Bauer never contacted Audrey while kneeling in front of a toilet in the women’s restroom, or else he might not have been able to save for a while. Not sure who the Otacon of 24 is, however—perhaps he got axed for bringing up issues too hot for TV. Shooting people in the face is one thing, but Otacon’s family relations… damn.

Exhibit D: Both have a shadowy group (the Patriots in MGS; no idea what they’re called in 24) that seems to run the United States in secret.

Exhibit E: Torture at the hands of the Chinese (24), versus torture at the hands of the Russians (MGS3)? Same difference! [5/23/06 Update: Brian correctly points out that both MGS and MGS2 also had scenes of torture interrogation; I assume interrogation has been a repeated feature of 24 as well.]

Based on this overwhelming evidence, I suspect that in season six we will be introduced to Jack Bauer’s evil twin brother, Daniels Bauer. [Liquid + Jack => Daniels] Eventually we will discover that they were two of three (!) children born under a project code-named les enfants terribles. Ex-President Charles Logan will eventually be revealed as the third, Jackus Bauer, and will end up fighting his son on the roof of Federal Hall.

Also, my Magic-8 Ball says that “it is certain” that the cyborg ninja will make an appearance next season. About bloody time.


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