Overheard while at Amanda’s birthday party (warning: eeew, gross! ahead). Use your imagination for maximum hilarity:

Story One: a girl these gals knew had a cat. The gal had just peed, and (because the TP roll was empty?) had to stand up to scavenge a new roll. Meanwhile, her cat jumped onto the toilet. Apparently the cat expected the lid to be down, because the cat fell in.

Word was that the cat was so disgusted that it allowed the girl to give it a bath without any fuss whatsoever.

…

Story Two: this same girl’s old boyfriend used to work at the First Alternative Co-Op, and one day accidentally mixed instant and regular (?—I didn’t know there was a difference) oatmeal together. They didn’t care to eat it, but figured that it might make decent kitty litter. So, the next time they needed to swap the litter, they tried the New Brand.

When the cat next peed in the litter box, the heat of the urine cooked the oatmeal—which the cat then started eating.