Today I was an ADHD monkey on crack. This bizarre change in my demeanor was fortuitous, as it allowed me to handle an unexpected surge of work with aplomb.
I’ve spent the last month feeling rather horribly out-of-sorts: lethargic, exhausted by even the most minor physical labor, irritable, on and on. (Pop quiz: how long does Brent have to feel sick before he actually goes to see a doctor? beats me) Today shouldn’t have been any different; I can tell that I’m still sick.
Yet today I’m… affected. I’m normally rather calm and slow-moving; when I’m nervous I’ll bite at my fingertips. Today I’m hyper and jittery—and gnawing on my lower lip.
Also: my lower lip can’t take anywhere near as much abuse as my fingers can. Yowch.
Okay kids, what’s the differential for
Lethargy,
Physical Fatigue,
Mood Swings,
and Intermittent hyperactivity?
Since the patient always lies, we can assume that you’ve omitted the fact that you’re vomiting before breakfast every day.
Diagnosis: you’re pregnant and are abusing amphetamines.
The speed explains the hyperactivity; the come-down explains the lethargy, and the pregnancy explains everything else.
Who needs a doctor? You’ve got the internet.
I look forward to the day when Level 89 Seducing Man becomes Level 89 Seducing House.
PS don’t tell my parents they’d kill me.